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Quality time is the cornerstone of emotional connection and intimacy in any marriage. However, in ADHD marriages, the significance of quality time takes on a unique dimension. It's not just about fostering connection; it's about supporting, understanding, and rekindling the spark in your relationship. Before we delve into practical tips, let's look at some statistics to underscore the importance of quality time.
Statistics on Quality Time in Marriages:
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that individuals are almost twice as happy when they spend time with their spouse compared to when they are apart.
Research published in the National Library of Medicine revealed that couples who spend more time together engaged in activities are significantly more likely to use constructive communication compared to couples who spend less time interacting.
The Gottman Institute's research showed that spending just one hour per week discussing areas of concern within the relationship has been proven to transform the way partners manage conflict.
Given that living with an ADHD spouse can introduce additional challenges, this is why I advocate for anyone in an ADHD marriage to seriously consider dedicating quality time with their spouse to help improve the relationship. For me, spending quality time has been a game-changer for my marriage. Here are some practical steps to create quality time in your ADHD marriage.
Key Steps to Nurturing Quality Time in Your ADHD Marriage:
1.Schedule Quality Time
Set aside specific times for quality moments in your marriage. Having a structured routine can help your ADHD spouse prepare mentally for these interactions.
For my husband and me, we dedicate up to 3 hours weekly. Our routine typically starts with a 60-90 minute structured conversation format, followed by an engaging activity. This structured format keeps my ADHD husband engaged and allows us to connect more effectively.
2. Minimize Distractions
Create an environment that minimizes distractions. Turn off the TV, put away smartphones, and find a quiet space where you can connect without interruptions.
Although his therapist recommended dedicating quality time on weekdays when he's on medication, we found Saturday mornings to be ideal. We are less distracted on Saturdays, as we're not rushing for work, making it a focused and peaceful time for us.
3. Structured and Open Conversation
Decide on a structured format that provides consistency for both partners. Instead of figuring out what to say on the fly, create a repeatable structure that makes quality time engaging for both.
We've found Anita Robertson's weekly check-in super helpful. By the end of her checklist, which involves praising each other, discussing concerns, and collaborating on solutions, we both feel heard, strengthening our marriage.
4. Plan Activities Together
Engage in activities that interest both of you. Whether it's taking a nature walk, trying a new hobby, or cooking a meal together, choose activities that foster connection and fun.
For us, this is the second part of our Saturday quality time together. We take turns picking a lunch spot after our conversation, often choosing to walk or bike there. This not only provides exercise but also allows us to engage in interesting conversations, building a deeper connection.
Conclusion:
Creating quality time in an ADHD marriage is not without its challenges, but it's a cornerstone of building a strong and lasting connection. The statistics underscore the importance of quality time in all marriages, and in ADHD marriages, it becomes even more vital for maintaining happiness and stability.
By dedicating structured and meaningful time to your relationship, you can overcome the unique challenges presented by ADHD and build a happier and more resilient marriage. Thank you for joining us today, and remember, the small, intentional moments of quality time can make a world of difference in your relationship.