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As my wedding anniversary has just passed, I find myself reflecting on another incredible year and the remarkable progress my ADHD spouse and I have made in our relationship. Looking back, I see a pattern—consistent efforts in communication exercises have led to profound improvements in our connection. As entrepreneur Jim Rohn once said, “If you just communicate, you can get by. But if you communicate skillfully, you can work miracles.” Through this reflection, I recognize three key benefits these exercises have brought to our marriage. Today, I share these insights with you.
Benefit 1: We Both Learned to Express Ourselves More Freely and More Timely
One of the most significant shifts has been our ability to communicate our thoughts and emotions more openly. In the past, I often hesitated to voice my concerns or needs—either out of fear of conflict or because I didn’t know how to articulate my thoughts without triggering my spouse's negative response. Through structured communication exercises, like my modified "I" statements and validation exercises, we’ve learned how to communicate in the moment rather than letting emotions fester.
Now, my ADHD spouse can openly share when he's having an off day, and I can express my frustrations in the moment without him assuming they are directed at him. This ability helps us understand each other better, develop empathy, and ultimately allows the receiving partner to ask how to better support the other after thoughts and feelings are shared.
Benefit 2: We Both Have Rebuilt Trust in Many Parts of Our Relationship
Trust is a cornerstone of any marriage, and in an ADHD relationship, it can sometimes be strained due to miscommunication or unmet expectations. The communication exercises we’ve committed to have allowed us to rebuild trust in areas where it had eroded. By setting aside time to actively listen to each other and acknowledge our respective challenges, we’ve fostered a sense of security and dependability.
For example, my ADHD spouse has always been very protective of his medical information. It used to be that he controlled all access to his own medical records, and for the longest time, he wouldn’t share them with me. Our breakthrough came late last year when I asked him for access to his digital medical records so I could review his doctor's after-visit summary—and he agreed without hesitation. This level of trust from him was unprecedented.
Benefit 3: We Are Providing Better Support Because We Are Expressing Our Needs More Clearly
In any partnership, understanding each other's needs is essential—but that understanding doesn’t happen automatically. We’ve learned that clear, direct communication about what we need from each other makes all the difference. Instead of assuming our spouse should "just know," we’ve become more intentional in verbalizing our needs and seeking clarity when necessary. This shift has led to a more supportive and responsive dynamic between us.
Now, when I make a request, my husband often prioritizes it and completes it on time or even ahead of schedule. For my ADHD spouse, he is now able to express when he’s having a down day because he knows that I understand his challenges and will respond with support instead of dismissing them with neurotypical thinking. These communication exercises have helped us better support each other's needs—whether in daily life, emotional well-being, or mental health.
Conclusion
As I reflect on another year of growth in my marriage, I am deeply grateful for the improvements we’ve made through these communication exercises. The ability to express ourselves more freely, rebuild trust, and offer better support has strengthened our bond in ways I never imagined. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that intentional effort in communication can truly transform a marriage. No matter where you are in your journey, small, consistent changes can lead to incredible breakthroughs.
My hope is that by sharing our experience, other ADHD couples will feel encouraged to prioritize communication in their own relationships. Progress is always possible, and even small steps can lead to meaningful change. If you're looking for specific exercises and framework to improve communication in your relationship, check out a few of my past posts below where I provided examples. Here’s to continued growth, understanding, and connection in the journey of an ADHD marriage.
Communications Exercises and with Examples:
Jonathan Hassall's "Connect Time" communication exercise (start at 16:00)
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