Screens, Feel-Good Parenting, and the Real Risks to Children’s Brains

As a parent and ADHD coach, I often hear conflicting advice on social media about screen limits and “gentle” or “feel-good” parenting. After listening to Michael McLeod’s presentation at the EF Summit, I felt compelled to raise awareness about the real dangers screens pose for kids and the pitfalls of non-evidence-based parenting trends.

Screens: More Than Just a Distraction

It’s impossible to ignore how addictive screens have become, not just for kids but for tired parents too. Michael McLeod calls screens "experience killers"(1) because they rob children of essential real-life learning and disrupt the neural pathways needed for healthy executive functioning. Recent studies confirm that too much screen time, whether using tablets or playing games (such as Minecraft), or phones, is strongly correlated with shrinking and thinning of gray matter, especially in brain regions crucial for reasoning, impulse control, and emotional regulation. For instance, longitudinal MRI scans led by Dr. John Hutton (2) show thinner cortices and reduced gray matter volume in children with high screen exposure—particularly in areas that should be thickening during childhood and adolescence—impacting empathy, social skills, and self-control.

Parents of neurodiverse kids, especially those with ADHD, should be extra vigilant. ADHD is not just an issue of attention but a fundamental challenge around self-regulation, a core aspect of executive function. Dr. Russell Barkley (3), a leading researcher, reframes ADHD as a deficit in self-regulation, not just as an attention disorder. According to his model, ADHD disrupts executive functions in the brain such as self-control over emotion, motivation, and behaviour, leading to difficulties in inhibiting responses, managing emotional reactivity, and staying focused on goals. Many experts now refer to these challenges as a self-regulation deficit disorder (SRDD).

Importantly, executive function delays don’t only impact academics. ADHD can also mean developmental delays in key areas like impulse control, organisation, coordination, and even language skills, making kids and teens act younger than their peers when faced with tasks that require self-management and emotional regulation. Typically, these lags are two to three years behind age-based expectations. The sooner kids with ADHD get structured opportunities to build executive function and self-regulation skills, the better their long-term outcomes. They become more resourceful and self-aware, understanding how their unique brain wiring impacts daily life, and learning strategies to work with not against their strengths.

The Problem With Feel-Good Parenting Trends

Social media overflows with “gentle” parenting advice, much of which isn’t grounded in evidence but curated for likes and shares. Recent studies and journal commentaries warn that relying purely on emotion validation and over accommodating children may leave parents burnt out and kids craving boundaries and anxious. Many “feel-good” parenting tips ignore basic developmental science, teaching kids avoidance instead of resilience. In practice, the lack of limits—even under the guise of “connection”—can lead to a child’s emotional needs dominating family life, creating stress for everyone(4).

Why Modelling Matters

Children learn most powerfully by observing the adults around them. When parents consistently model healthy habits like turning off screens, sharing feelings of boredom or frustration as part of everyday life, and demonstrating kindness and accountability, kids learn to do the same. Psychologist Albert Bandura’s work on social learning shows that imitation shapes decision-making, emotional skills, and confidence. Consistent modeling that reinforces boundaries, rather than over accommodating, lays the groundwork for lifelong resilience and self-regulation(5).

Consequences, Not Over Accommodation

Consequences teach accountability. Over accommodating, on the other hand, undermines a child’s ability to cope with distress and develop problem-solving skills. By supporting responsible risk-taking and providing meaningfully enforced consequences, rather than shielding kids from every discomfort or challenge, parents help their children build executive functioning skills, given that ADHD is fundamentally a neurodevelopmental disorder characterised by impairments in executive functions (EFs). Accommodations are always welcome and needed with the goal of strengthening those skills.

From Solo Screens to Shared Moments

After a long, exhausting workday, the temptation to collapse, relax, and let everyone scatter to their own devices is powerful and very real. I’ve found myself in that exact scenario, craving quiet, but when screens become the default, boundaries vanish, and every family member retreats into their own private world. What if we returned to a more communal habit, like TV time? Unlike personal devices, television is passive, easier to limit, and allows parents to set boundaries around content and time. Research supports the idea that co-viewing TV as a family creates opportunities for connection, conversation, and reinforcement of healthy screen habits while avoiding the rapid-fire dopamine triggers of apps and games.

If you’re searching for screen-free alternatives, websites like Sparkle Stories(6) and Better Screen Time(7) offer creative, practical ideas for families to reconnect without defaulting to devices.

Final Thoughts

Feel-good parenting trends and unregulated screen time might feel convenient, but research repeatedly confirms their harm. Protecting our children’s brains means modelling boundaries, limiting addictive screens, and using evidence-based approaches. Loving but firm, guided yet independent parenting offers the resilience our kids need to thrive.

Sources:

(1)1KHO409:Screens are experience killers/Mike McLeodGrowNowADHD https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/1kho-409-screens-are-experience-killers-mike-mcleod/id1448210728?i=1000682509912

(2)How Much Screen Time Is Too Much? The First MRI Study of Kids’ Brains and Digital Media https://beingpatient.com/screen-time-john-hutton/

(3)ADHD, EF and Self-Regulation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUApWMlyffw&t=3s

(4)Is gentle parenting too rough on parents? There's growing backlash to this popular approach https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/gentle-parenting-backlash-1.7328055

(5) Modelling (Social Learning) https://www.theravive.com/therapedia/modeling-(social-learning)

(6)77 Things to do instead of screens https://www.theravive.com/therapedia/modeling-(social-learning)

(7)Reset! 15 Independent Screen-Free Activities to Keep Our Kids Playing https://www.betterscreentime.com/15screenfreeactivitiestokeepourkidsplaying/