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Holiday Tensions with ADHD: Supporting Your Partner and Their Family
- Alice S
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
Does this sound familiar?
Small misunderstandings can quickly turn into stress for everyone — your ADHD partner, their family, and yes, you too. During the holidays, those tiny moments can snowball fast, turning a warm gathering into something cold and distant.
The truth is, holidays can create real challenges for ADHD partners and everyone around them. New environments, shifting routines, travel, noise, expectations — all of it increases the load. For your ADHD partner, the added stimulation can make executive function (planning, organizing, remembering) falter. For family members, the result may look like disinterest, forgetfulness, or inconsideration, which can lead to frustration or disappointment, especially when ADHD isn’t factored in. Both experiences matter, and both deserve acknowledgment.
So how do you support both sides without taking on all the emotional labor yourself?
Here are some strategies for you to consider:
Validate both perspectives. Recognize the effort your ADHD partner put into navigating a challenging situation, while also acknowledging the family’s feelings. Validation goes a long way toward easing tension on both ends.
Encourage direct communication. Guide family members to reach out to your partner directly when possible. It allows your partner to speak for themselves and keeps you from becoming the go-between.
Prepare your ADHD partner for potential challenges. Even small steps — confirming plans, reviewing expectations, or having a simple communication plan — can prevent misunderstandings before they escalate. Furthermore, mutually agreed on a secret signal between both of you could help communicate when it is either of your need support from difficult conversations. All these steps can diffuse a lot of holiday drama.
Facilitate repair afterward. When tension does happen, communicate your partner’s intentions clearly while also validating the family’s emotions. People want to feel heard. Acknowledging their feelings and explaining your partner’s reasoning helps repair misunderstandings and prevents resentment from lingering.
Holiday miscommunications are inevitable — especially when ADHD is part of the equation. But by validating both sides, encouraging direct communication, preparing your partner, and facilitating repair with empathy, you can support everyone without absorbing all the stress yourself.
You don’t have to be the glue holding everything together. By helping both your partner and their family feel understood, you create more room for connection, calm, and a holiday where everyone feels heard, respected, and valued.