ADHD Diagnosis: Where Do You Even Start?

Liliana Turecki
Jun 16
3 min read

Once a month, I volunteer as a facilitator for a parent ADHD support group. At one of our recent meetings, a mom arrived a little flustered after coming straight from a school meeting about her child. Her child had recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and she shared something many parents can relate to: she felt overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start.

What stood out to me most wasn't just her overwhelm, but the reason behind it. She wasn’t struggling because there wasn’t enough information out there — she was struggling because there was too much of it, and it was hard to know what was useful, and what was not.

Her words took me right back to when my first child was diagnosed seventeen years ago. My experience was almost the opposite: information about ADHD was scarce, and I remember craving more of it. But even with such different circumstances, we were going through a similar process — both trying to make sense of ADHD, both trying to understand what it meant for our child, and both carrying a mix of worry, confusion, and hope.

It took me a long time, and a lot of reading and reflecting, before I could begin to understand ADHD in a way that felt true to my child’s experience.

Seeing ADHD Differently

An ADHD diagnosis can be hard to process because it's an invisible and circumstantial condition. As Russell Barkley (1) has explained, ADHD is a developmental disorder and it's not about not knowing what to do — it is about not doing what one knows. He has also described what is often called the “30% rule,” meaning that children with ADHD may lag about 30% behind their peers in executive function and emotional maturity, so their functional age can be younger than their chronological age.

That understanding can be powerful because it reminds us that ADHD is a self-regulation and executive functioning challenge, not a character flaw.

For me, my child’s learning disability was easier to understand at first. The difficulties were more concrete and predictable. ADHD was different. It was harder to pin down, especially in a bright, sweet, energetic seven-year-old boy. At that time, the learning challenge seemed like the bigger issue. But as time went on and kids naturally became more autonomous in how they socialized, I began to understand more clearly what was going on.

Dr. Hallowell’s “Ferrari brain and bicycle brakes” (2) description made so much sense to me later on. It captured something I had felt but hadn't yet fully understood.

What Children Notice

What I’ve come to understand is that ADHD affects far more than academic performance. It shapes your ability to believe in yourself, your desire to fit in, and the way you navigate uncertainty. For my son, those challenges influenced how he moved through the world. Over time, they led to a strong people‑pleasing pattern that eventually created its own set of problems.

That’s why I think it’s so important to remember that children may not have the words for what they are experiencing, but they know when something feels different. They may not be able to explain it yet, but they notice when their regulation feels inconsistent, when their emotions run hot, or when life feels harder than it seems for everyone else.

A Resource I Was Glad to Share

All of this came flooding back to me after I attended a summit on emotional regulation and neurodivergent kids last week. The speakers offered so many valuable insights, but the presentation that especially stayed with me was Dr. Liz Angoff’s. I appreciated her story, her philosophy, and the free resources she has developed over the years to help parents and kids talk about their diagnosis and celebrate their neurodiversity. I wish I’d had these 17 years ago. I was excited to share them with my support group and now want to pass them along here as well.

My experiences with my children’s diagnosis were very different from one another because each child’s needs, traits, and circumstances are unique. And if it is hard for an adult to process a diagnosis, imagine what it feels like for a child — whether or not you choose to name the diagnosis with them. They notice. They know. And they deserve support that helps them feel understood.

Dr. Liz Angoff's Parent Tools:

https://explainingbrains.com/parents/