ADHD Coaching vs. ADHD Therapy: What Is Right for You?

When navigating the challenges of ADHD—whether individually or as a couple—support is essential. Many people automatically turn to therapy, especially when it’s covered by insurance. But is therapy always the best fit for ADHD? As ADHD coaching gains momentum, more couples are asking: should we consider this too?

Jonathan Hassall, an ADHD coach, often describes ADHD coaching as the missing link. At first, I didn’t fully understand what he meant. But after years of watching my ADHD partner struggle with traditional therapy, it finally clicked. Therapy can be helpful in many ways, but it also has limitations—especially for ADHD partners who need more than just insight into their past struggles.

So, how do you know whether ADHD therapy or ADHD coaching is the right fit? Let’s explore the differences.

The Benefits and Challenges of ADHD Therapy

Therapy can be incredibly valuable, especially for those dealing with trauma, anxiety, depression, or deep-seated emotional wounds. It provides a safe space to process feelings and past experiences while working toward healthier coping mechanisms.

✅ The Benefits of Therapy for ADHD Partners

Insurance Coverage

One major advantage of therapy is that it’s often covered by health insurance. If you have a good plan, your out-of-pocket cost may be significantly lower than private coaching.

Mental Health Support

Therapy can help ADHD partners manage co-existing conditions like anxiety, depression, and emotional dysregulation.

Processing the Past

If an ADHD partner is ready to work through past trauma, therapy provides professional guidance in healing those wounds.

⚠️ The Challenges of Therapy for ADHD Partners

1️⃣ Finding the Right Therapist is Hard

Not all therapists understand ADHD well. ADHD isn’t just about attention—it’s about executive function, motivation, emotional regulation, and the way the brain processes rewards. A therapist without deep ADHD knowledge may not offer the right kind of support.

Even when you do find someone good, high turnover is a real problem. This happened to us three years in a row. Just when my ADHD partner built rapport, the therapist would leave the practice or stop taking our insurance. It left him frustrated and exhausted. Each time, he was stuck between trying to meet my request to stay in therapy and finding the strength to open up all over again to someone new—knowing it might not last.

2️⃣ Therapy Can Feel Discouraging for ADHD Partners

Many ADHD partners feel that therapy becomes a place of judgment rather than support. Some common frustrations include:

• Being asked repeatedly why they didn’t complete an assignment or make progress

• Feeling like sessions focus on what they haven’t done rather than celebrating small wins

• Walking away from sessions feeling worse instead of empowered

This pattern can lead ADHD partners to disengage from therapy, seeing it as a source of stress rather than support. Just recently, my ADHD partner shared with me how he felt shamed at every session because the therapist always asked why he didn’t follow through. So when a therapist left the practice, he was secretly relieved—because it meant he got to take a break.

3️⃣ Therapy Focuses on the Past—and Not Every ADHD Partner is Ready for That

Traditional therapy is often rooted in healing the past, but not every ADHD partner wants or needs to dive into old trauma right now. Some just want to learn practical skills to function better in daily life. If therapy keeps circling back to unresolved emotions instead of offering forward-moving strategies, it can feel frustrating and unproductive.

How ADHD Coaching Fills the Gap

While therapy and coaching both provide support, they approach it from opposite angles. Therapy helps people move forward by processing the past, whereas coaching focuses on the future—helping ADHD individuals create the life they want.

✅ The Benefits of ADHD Coaching

1️⃣ Future-Focused and Action-Oriented

Instead of dwelling on why certain struggles exist, an ADHD coach helps identify what can be done today to improve life. Sessions often focus on:

• Time management strategies

• Accountability and motivation

• Practical tools for organization and follow-through

This solution-focused approach can be incredibly empowering for ADHD partners who feel stuck.

2️⃣ Psychoeducation: Understanding ADHD from a Strengths-Based Perspective

ADHD coaching isn’t just about strategies—it’s about understanding how ADHD works. Many ADHD partners feel shame about their struggles, but coaching helps them reframe challenges by recognizing how their brain functions differently and learning to work with their ADHD rather than against it.

3️⃣ Skill-Building to Create Lasting Change

Rather than just talking about problems, ADHD coaches help clients build skills in real time. This hands-on approach helps ADHD partners see real improvements in their daily lives—making coaching feel more immediately rewarding than traditional therapy.

So, Which One Is Right for You?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer. Some ADHD partners benefit greatly from therapy, while others find coaching more effective. In many cases, a combination of both works best—using therapy to process deeper emotional wounds and coaching to develop the skills needed for daily success.

For us, ADHD coaching made sense because therapy wasn’t providing the kind of support my ADHD partner needed. After struggling with therapists who didn’t fully understand ADHD, feeling discouraged by repeated questions about why things weren’t getting done, and realizing that my partner wasn’t ready to dive into deep emotional work, we decided it was time to try something different.

If you or your partner have struggled with therapy, ADHD coaching might be worth exploring. It’s not about replacing therapy but rather finding the right kind of support at the right time. If therapy has been helpful, that’s great! But if you’ve been frustrated by it, you’re not alone—and ADHD coaching might be the missing piece.